The numbers are going up

This is really frustrating. I'm done with my period and dinner last night was an apple. The past couple of weeks I've been working out AT LEAST 4 tims a week and although I do have slipups here and there generally speaking I've been eating well. However I weighed in at 146 this morning after going to the bathroom and even with no clothes on. That's a 3 lb gain from the lst time.

I probably have put on muscle mass but still I should have really lost more fat. I don'eat strength train like crazy, it's something I do twice a week.

So now I'm going back to the drawing board to see where I can cut more corners but I really really don't want to do that. I don't know if I can be any better at the moment. I already eat healthier and exercise more than my roomates and most of my friends and classmates. My incentive to stay that way is that I'll be losing weight and it sux when I'm not seeing those results. Ok there are results but they're very slight. This weekend I put on a pair of size 10 Trina Turk dress pants and they were loose. When I bought them in August they weren't tight, but more fitted. I also bought a vest from Bebe in a size medium....I still couldn't get all the buttons to close but it was still wearable. So I probably lost like 5 pounds of fat in the last 3 months.

Ok I have been having one too many espresso truffles from starbucks, but when I get those it's in place of a meal as to balance out. Also I've been eating more carbs, but still it's in moderation! I've been eating cereal for breakfast every morning but it's the kashi brand with all that fiber in it so I thought it's a good choice. I did have some chocolate cake but literally maybe 5 bites.

I just don't know how much better I can be. I hate to think that I was meant to stay this way.

Today I caught the football!!!

Yes folks, I caught a football today and felt like a normal person playing at the park.



I didn't want to jump in the game and annoy everyone with my football skills which include "can't catch the football to save my life" and "can't throw the football either". Don't get me wrong I am a fit girl, just not an athletic one..........eff this I'm going in!

I was upbeat and perky which made people think it was a good idea to keep throwing the ball to me, and I proved to be great at stopping the football with my body. I would jump towards it with my arms outstretched intending on catching it but it would just slam into my body instead. I'll count how many bruises I incurred when they start showing up in their full form by tomorrow morning. I also could swear I fractured my wrist at one point, but since I can type this I can put that to rest.

People usually give you some kind of heads up when they want to throw to you and my eyes widened when the super tall kid who plays every sport pointed in my direction to get ready. "Wow he's kinda far", I thought. It went up really high and was coming down far from me so I had to run to it with my arms up in the air. I jumped, caught it with both hands, hugged it tightly against my chest, and landed with both feet on the ground all with minimal shrieking.

"I FINALLY CAUGHT THE BALL YAYYYY" I cheered for myself and it seemed like the whole park followed with a round of applause and some hoots!

NFL training camp here I come!!!!!!!

Some inspiration from that Half-Assed book

A big part of my life had been dedicated to weight loss lately. I considered it to be my hobby, but no matter how much I wanted to focus on dropping more weight, life insisted on carrying on around me.

People would always be getting married, dying, and moving-though I hoped they'd stop doing it all in the same month. I had sometimes thought it would be nice to lock myself away on a fat farm where all my food and exercise could be controlled, but I preferred living in the real world....

This is an excerpt from Jenette Fulda's Half-Assed: a weight loss memior.

These are my thoughts EXACTLY! I need to stop making this many excuses about why it's ok to not work out to my 80% potential today, or why it's fine to have a cheeseburger for dinner and 4 Nestle Toll House cookies every other day. It's ok to cut myself some slack sometimes, but I'm overindulging in it. This is is why I've been in the same 5 lb range for the past like 4-5 months now. I haven't reached my goal weight/size and I'm still carrying around too much fat for a girl of my height and bone structure.

I'm finding it challenging to focus on completing multiple missions successfully, but the reality is I'm always going to have exams, or practicals, or clinic. I'm always either going to have to wake up early or come home late or do both...and if I'm not doing these things it's because I'm on vacation so I can't use that as an excuse either.

Part of getting out of the fat mentality is to accept this is how life is and learn to effectively deal with things without having to have a side of cheese fries to soothe me.

Oh and I did see hot guy at the gym...actually I see him a lot nowadays. More on that later.

Will I see hot guy tomorrow at the gym?

These last 30 pounds to lose are a huge pain. I've been at the same weight give or take like 5 pounds for months now. I weighed myself and saw I put on a couple more pounds than the last time, but I'm not recording it because I'm PMSing and bloated as hell.....so I know I didn't actually get fatter.

I'm trying to find new sources of inspiration. I'm finding it hard to focus on multiple things at once. Focusing on passing all my classes and losing weight is just proving too much to do at the moment. After tomorrow I'm going to have 3 consecutive no exam weeks before finals so I'm hoping to be able to lose 10 pounds by the time I see my family for the winter break. 10 pounds in a month and a half is pretty realistic for me, agree?

Jason Mraz and my new biker jacket

I had a really good last 24 hours.

I got my proficiency stamp for both retinoscopy and the slit lamp this morning. This means that I am now capable of determining your refractive error for your glasses/lenses prescription and evaluating the heath of the front of your eye. WOOOHOOOOOOO!

I realized that I just don't have enough workout clothes. I keep having to do laundry because of my workout clothes and I handwash my two sport bras. So I went over to Bebe Sport and while I was there I found this really cute biker-inspired jacket that was on clearance.

I also finally got a ticket to the upcoming Jason Mraz concert thanks to one of my dear classmates!

I went to my first spinning class in years! I'm anticipating being sore as hell in the morning. Ok so remember that hot guy at the gym? I assumed he was a trainer or someone that worked at the gym because of his body and the fact that he looked older. I found out via a casual question to my trainer that he's actually a medical student!!! Ok I thought I know of all the Arab guys in the health professions campus, how on earth did I miss this one really hot one? He must be like a 4th year doing off-site rotations or something. So now I'm on a little mission.....

That's cardio my love! plus the hot guy at the gym

Before last week's workout session I sent the following text message to my trainer:

Can we do more ab stuff? we all have muffin top issues.

"We all" includes the 3 other girls I train with as a group.

Here's the reply I got:

That's cardio my love!

I went through this stage where some misguided advice had me belive cardio was bad and the focus should be on strength training. I think they're both pretty important for success. Not only that, but how much strength training can one stand to do? If I can get it in just twice a week I'm happy.

One major issue I have that prevents me from working out everyday is washing my hair. I have naturally dry curly hair and I can't wash it everyday. I also hate working up a sweat and not being able to wash my hair, so I try to focus on getting in a comprehensive workout 3 times a week and just staying generally active throughout my day over working out on consecutive days. Today however I tolerated not washing my hair when I got back from training because I told myself I'm going to go for a jog first thing in the morning. My hair is still damp with sweat, ewwwwww

In different news, today at the gym while waiting for my trainer the absolute hottest guy approached me. He said "salaam alaikum" (the Muslim greeting) and asked me if I spoke any Arabic, if I was a student and in what college, how I like it here, bla bla bla. Not only did he have the nicest eyes and smile but really nice biceps too. He told me he was Syrian. The arrival of my trainer cut the conversation short and I could swear I saw a hint of disappointment across his face. He seemed too old to be a student, even a grad student, and if he was a trainer I think I would have seen him before. When he turned around after saying bye I was disappointed to see a huge tattoo across his bicep :(

I'll do anything for my treats!

Hey Folks!

I realized yesterday that some of my newly acquired habits aren't the healthiest. I'll do anything for my deserts (sweet and salty), even if it means not eating other stuff to make room for it. Yesterday I had a mere 220 calorie dinner so that I can have 3 nestle toll house break and bake cookies (dude these are to die for).

Also because I plan on snacking on a handful of tostitos and dip (I'm craving these so bad) lunch will probably be an apple.

Today I'm wearing pants for the first time that I bought about a month ago but couldn't fit in. I got them from Victoria's Secret in a size 8, I couldn't find the exact pair on their website but they look very similar to the one in the picture-they just don't thave those cargo side pockets. It's surreal to think that a year and a half ago I was a 16, which is really not a good place to be if your 5"1.

My lowest weight in years

I weighed in at 143 today! that's 2 pounds less than the last time I weighed myself and the lowest weight I've been in years. It's pretty exciting!

Although I still have a bad starbucks drink almost on a daily basis (yesterday I had TWO, a mint hot chocolate and a pumpkin spice latte) I attribute this to the fact to two recent trends. 1) I'm pretty physically active nowadays. I walk a lot and I walk fast. I almost never take elevators even if I'm carrying a lot of stuff. I've been working out 2-4 times week but even if I dn't get that in it's ok because I feel like I'm always running around.

TWO...I've been eating LESS. Although this isn't the greatest thing with the amount of stress and the work I have to do there have been a few days where I forget to eat (today was one of those days, I had an anatomy lab practical and was on panic mode for mostof the day before the exam so I totally forgot to eat). The weird thing is in the past that would never happen to me, being stressed out means I EAT! Also I realized that being full isn't conducive to studying and the possibility that I may fail out of optometry school is good enough motivation to not eat a lot these days.

Checkout my new profile

I just realized that I never actually had a blogger profile set up for this account. I have just spent my studying break updating it so check it out and see all the cool stuff we have in common!

BTW this past couple of days I've been eating really well (with the exception of the starbucks drinks, I just can't get around that at the moment) but I'll be honest I'm always hungry and I feel miserable and angry at the world. I just kinda want some fries and big mac.

Eat breakfast like a king

That was the advice my trainer. Basically have what you want for breakfast if it's going to keep you from splurging at lunch and dinner.

So that's what I did. I had the leftover hamburger helper (that I made with 2% milk and lean turkey meat), tostitos with spinach artichoke dip, and one of those frozen Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches. Then I drove to starbucks and got a mint hot chocolate and a cookie that I ate half of.

I don't think I would have wanted all that if it wasn't for the amount of stress I'm under. I have a killer anatomy exam this tuesday and wednesday (2 part). Anatomy is basically the class they put in to weed out the first year optometry students. If people fail out the semester it's usually due to this class. So that's why I'm not being too hard on myself, I can only balance so much at once. I won't be too upset about not losing anything this week...the goal is to make it through the week without having gained anything back.

My Weaknesses

The Starbucks pumpkin spice latte

The Starbucks line of hot chocolate. Yesterday I had a mint hot chocolate but I've also been known to get the new salted caramel hot chocolate.

Both vivanno drinks. The banana chocolate and the mango peach banana, but usually I go for the banana chocolate with a shot of espresso. What's bad about these is they only sell them in size grande. I got the mango peach banana today and asked for an extra cup so that I could pour out half of it to give to my friend.

Lost a pound this week, back on track

Woohooo I'm now at 145, down 1 pound from the last time I weight myself (last week I think).

I think I'm safely back on track. Yesterday I started training with a trainer again in small group sessions. The session is an hour long and then I did 30 min of random cardio while I was waiting for my roomie to finish her assessment. I had an early relatively healthy dinner ( I did follow it with a handful of chips and dip), and when I got home I didn't feel like eating anything.

I highly recommend working out with a trainer, it just takes your workout to a whole new level. If money is tight see if your gym offers small group training sessions for groups of 2 or 3 to subsidize the costs.

Pigging out and feeling skinny

Lately I've been pigging out a lot. I haven't been eating huge portions as much as it is that I've been eating bad food. I just get these strong cravings and when I'm under a lot of stress it's very difficult to resist.

I've been consistently having a bad Starbucks drink like everyday this past week. Usually a mint hot chocolate or that new salted caramel hot chocolate. I've been eating this to-die-for Whole Foods chocolate cake, and lots of sugar cookies. I got my wisdom teeth pulled a week and a half ago and since then I've been on a super soft sugar cookie spree, and a starbucks sugary drink spree as well. In the past 2 weeks I've had chinese takeout twice, french fries a couple of times, and a couple of cheeseburgers. I've haven't been able to work out more than twice a week this past month, IF I can even get twice in (that'll change starting this week though).

Now here's the weird thing, I feel thin! I haven't beel feeling gross, I feel like my stomach is more tucked in, and my butt less jiggly, and sometimes I have these bursts of energy. It's really weird and I'm not sure what to make of it. I could swear some of my pants are looser on the thighs. I weighed myself and my weight hasn't significantly changed from what it was a month ago.

Does anyone else have this experience? I feel like God is giving me some freebies. Either that or my careless habits will soon be catching up with me.

Take Advantage of Resources

If you are affiliated with a university or a large company/corporation...nowadays chances are that you're provided with exclusive health resources to assist in promoting healthy lifestyles. The funny thing is most people don't even know about these, some people don't really care. It's unfortunate that these resources aren't better advertised, but I think they do that on purpose they wouldn't want everyone taking advantage.

For example, my university offers affilliates personal training packages at deeply discounted rates. I just signed up for 8 1-hour personal training sessions plus an assessment and I paid exactly $108. The tradeoff is that they're done in little groups of 2-4 so that the trainer is still making money and it's also good worth of mouth promotion for the trainer until they get their "business" rolling...but for me that comes out to be $13.50 per session. Compare that to the $60 + per hour rate my gym at home charges.

This is a renewal package for me and although I haven't lost a significant amount of weight since school started these weekly intense sessions are really the reason why I've been able to at least not gain any weight during a crazy semester. The hard work, the team support, the pep talks....all of that keeps me in check for not too great of a sacrifice on my part.

Am I still on anyone google's reader?

I haven't blogged in forever and I would like to get back into it. I miss having that support and encouragement. If you read this please put me on our google reader, and link my blog to yours and what not.

Quick update: I'm now in the middle of my first semester at optometry school in South Florida. I love it and I'm soooo glad I chose this profession....but it's crazy! I'm taking 8 classes and 3 labs and I'm quite sleep-deprived. I've had some struggles and bumps in the road especially after hurricane Gustav which left my family with a very damaged house. I got depressed for a bit and it affected my academic performance. However I've been doing ok since then.

In terms of health and weight loss, well I formed a workout group. Me and 3 other classmates meet with a personal trainer (pictured above) every week for one intense hour of a session. I think this has helped me stabilize my weight in crazy times. We're about to renew our package and we start again next Monday. However I need to get the ball rolling on actually lowing weight again.

One Year Later in Pics

On July 12, 2007 I drove to the medical weight loss clinic at the persistence of my best friend Angela who found out the times of the introductory classes and gave them my info. My weight gain was rather rapid and at the height of it I had no energy, wore the same 2 pairs of BEBE sweatpants, and avoided leaving home as much as I can. This pic with my little cousin was taken about a month before:One year later I have shed roughly 45 pounds and list green apples as my favorite thing to snack on. I'm also addicted to activity and have discovered the great mental benefits of yoga. The pic below was taken about a week and a half ago in egypt, that's me in the white.

I still haven't reached my goal size but I don't consider myself on a diet. Instead, I've changed my lifestyle and acquiring new, permanent habits. I saw the clinic, the appointments, and the prescriptions as a tool to jumpstart and not the means and I haven't used those services in months. The bic below was taken about 3 weeks ago, I'm the one in yellow.

I hope my success serves as some sort of inspiration to the rest of you out there!

Pics from my trip to Egypt!

Today is cleansing day!

I woke up totally feeling like shit, just every morning this whole past week!

I know I've put back on some weight so I'm avoiding the scale. I've been eating bad the past few days. Yesterday I had leftover pizza hut for breakfast, and for dinner at 8PM I had gyro sandwich, fries, and falafel (fried) at a restaurant. Afterwards, I went to this trendy local cafe to watch the final euro cup match at night (I'm still in the Middle East) and since I don't smoke I felt I needed to be eating something tasty while everyone was smoking around me. So I ordered applie pie with ice cream, it was a big slice so I only ended up eating half.

THEN I had the salt cravings and at around midnight went to the mcdonald's drive thru for my second dinner of the evening of a spicy mcchicken and large fries. The fact that I was with other people didn't deter me; they just kept cracking jokes and saying things like "please have mercy on your digestive system". The jokes didn't bother me, I actually thought it was pretty funny and laughed with them. I mean in all honestly if I was with someone who was doing what I was doing I'd have the urge to say a few things too.

It's now 10 AM, I've been up for 2 hours and I feel better that I've gone to the bathroom...but I still feel like I weigh a million pounds. I reminded myself that this is all in my control and I totally have the ability to change why I feel this day. I've designated today as cleansing day and I'm going to be listening to my body and eat things that will make me feel better. No stuffing myself today...I'm only going to eat when I'm actually hungry and I'm sticking to the pure stuff: tomatos, cucumbers, apples, lots of water, no fried stuff, no bread or rice!

By the way, tomorrow I'm taking a mini trip for 4 days to a Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt where I'll be staying in a 5 star resort! More on that later....

Back to the setbacks

I've been the same number on the scale (and the same size) for about 3 weeks now and it's really frustrating. I've been doing good with the gym but my struggles with food are resurfacing. I have some good days but too many bad days.

I've started taking the suppressants again about a week ago and even with that I still have the urges to eat at night and the cravings for specific junk foods. Last night I ate a shawarma sandwich and some fries and I woke up feeling pretty heavy. It's now 3:30 PM and I had fruit, water, and low fat cheese for breakfast but I still feel fat. I'm going to an engagement party tonight for a daughter of old friends that I haven't seen in forever. It's going to be a nice fancy party but I have no desire or motivation to go. I feel frumpy and I don't feel like putting on anything.

I'm now going through old blogs for some motivation and inspiration...

I've now lost over 45 pounds!!!!

I haven't updated in a while but it's not because I've fallen off track. I've been over seas in the middle eastern country of Jordan for the past 5 weeks and since I've been here I've actually dropped another 10 pounds net total. I admit most of which I lost the first couple of weeks...2 weeks I've been eating out alot as I'm getting comfortable with the town so I've put back on probably like 2 pounds.

I've joined a gym here and I've committed (well sort of) to going to a 3 times a week to their aerobics class which has actually made a difference to my tummy! I try to go at least 5 times a week but even if I don't I get a decent amount of walking here. Even though I rented a car I still have to do a good bit of walking. My biggest struggle is definitely the food...the eating out :(

DESPERATE: What to do about muffintop

I haven't been able to religiously stick to this NONO diet in preparation for my cousin's wedding overseas (I'm leaving wednesday) but I have dropped another pound.

Ok although I've now lost over 35 pounds and like 3 sizes I still have this really horrible muffin top....actually it's more like a tire. I know we all have them but proportionally speaking mine is pretty bad. My observation has been that most people with my shoulder-hip-butt-thigh measurements do not have a that flabby layer that I do.

The weird thing is when I was younger my abs were NEVER my problem area...it was always my butt and thighs that caused me distress. It might have to do with the fact that I gained weight so rapidly and also the binges of the past that left me with this tire hugging my waistline. The picture above was taken recently and I was totally sucking in as hard as I can.

I tried hiphop abs and it did nothing for me. I did it a few times and I felt absolutely nothing in my abs. I used to do 8 minute abs but I only felt it was working my abs like the first 2 times so I quit that after some weeks. I'm willing to take up new exercises and add to my workout routine I just need something very powerful and effective and I'll totally commit to it. Does anyone have suggestions? particularly something that's on DVD so I can take it with me while I'm traveling.

I've entered the 50s!

This is really exciting, I weighed myself this morning (and I realize that the numbers aren't an accurate measure of success but I like to use the numbers as a rough point of reference) and I was 156.5, I've dropped 34.5 pounds!!!!

In other news my mom has jumped on the weight loss bandwagon about a month ago. She's 5"4 and started at 220, I believe she dropped 19 lbs the first month and I'm happy she's feeling and looking better!

My updates!

Hi everyone, I hope I still have some readers left! No, I haven't fallen off the bandwagon-well I did for a short period of time. I spent the last month and a half traveling around including my first trip to San Francisco; I also went to both Disneyland and Disneyworld within 2 weeks of each other. I'm excited to say that I've gotten my acceptances into the only 2 optometry schools I've applied to. Getting those interviews/acceptances were some of the most exciting things to happen to me; however, I now have a pretty tough decision to make as to which school and city I think I'd be happier in.

My weight loss has been very slow but I am losing. Check back later today for my official weight posting. I'm visiting the country that my dad is from in 2 weeks to attend a cousin's major wedding and I don't want to be the fat cousin. The last time I visited was 7 years ago and wore a size 8 and was told I need to get thinner (in other countries people are blunt about stuff like that). As much as I hate dieting, to speed things a bit I decided to go on the "No No" diet. That's basically where I cut out carbs for 2 weeks. Today is my fourth day and I've done a tiny bit of cheating here and there but overall I'm doing good.

Since I came back home I've been pretty committted to the gym. I go about 5 days a week and I do strength training 2-3 weeks. I've realized that the things I would most like to change about my body is my flabby ghetto booty and my belly. I've started doing the stairmaster to tighten my buns but I found it soooo much harder than the elliptical and treadmill. I'm aiming to incorporate ab exercises after every workout but sometimes I'm too worn out.

Any suggestions as to some effective butt exercises?

I'm back and on "vacation"

I'm back, I'm still alive!

On January 24th I left for a 2 week vacation to chicago but ended up extending it for an indefinite period of time. I came for an admissions open house that a graduate program I'm very interested in was having, and then I decided to just stay here at my aunt's house and prepare for my entrance exam where I'm removed from the distractions of home.

I've been really busy with applications and studying because I'm pushing lots of deadlines at this point. I'm a relatively borderline applicant and the score that I make on the exam is pretty much going to make it or break it in terms of admission for me. I'm trying not to let that get to me but I can' thelp it and I've been stressing out like crazy. I've already reschedule the exam date twice.

I've put back on 4.5 lbs from my lowest weight but I'm getting back on track. It's harder to be conscious of what I eat when I'm really stressed out and I haven't been working out more than 2-3 times a week so I felt compelled to renew my prescription for the appetite suppressants. I restarted those last week and they've helped tremendously with the portion control but I still eat alot of junk food and sometimes late into the night if I'm studying late. I've also taken a VitaminB12 shot which I'm supposed to take every 2 weeks. One of the benefits is that it keeps the energy level up although I'm not sure I've noticed the difference. I sent my aunt to the vitamin store to get me all kinds of supplements including water pills, fiber pills, and a carb blocker. I know this is all temporary but I just need all the assistance I can get until I get this exam out of the way which is the biggest priority right now.

Also I'd like to thank everyone who left comments wondering about my absentee status, I greatly appreciate it and I do need all the support I can get. I'll try to update more since I know that helps me stay on track.

I still have diet syndrome

Things have not been going too great, my membership at the clinic expired and I decided to hold off on renewing it until I run out of supplements and the suppressant because it is on the enxpensive side.

I decided to go on that restrictive "no-no" diet which is where I totally cut out carbs for a week or 2 in order to "shock" my body and get the weight loss moving faster. So the day before I ate all kinds of bad food in anticipation of the diet. I had an oyster poboy, fries, fried mushroom, and some cake. Anyway, the next day I was fasting until sundown for religious reasons (Ashura in the Muslim calendar) and by late evening I just absolutely could not take that I wasn't allowed to eat something and told myself "hey I was fasting today I'll just start tomorrow". I ended up eating gelatto, banana bread pudding (lots of it), and some cookies. So that would be 2 bad days in a row. When the third day came around, in the morning I really wanted something sweet with my coffee especially because I was about ot start on this "diet" for 7 days so what's the big deal if I just start at lunchtime? I ended up eating a whole twix bar and some more banana bread pudding. I wasn't even enjoying this stuff to be honest, my goal was to get in as much as I could before it was not allowed as if it's supposed to satisfy any future junk food cravings I may have.

Sometime shortly after that I realized that it's this exact diet mentality that is going to be the ruin of me. I just can't do it! I've been down this road so many times I can't believe I almost fell for it again. When I go on these "diets"-yes it's true that I do lose weight , however I usually gain some weight beforehand in anticipation (like I did now) and when I get off I always immediately put back on some pounds because I have those post-splurges. Eventually my weight ALWAYS goes back up because I really didn't learn very much that I can apply to my life.

I need to go back to doing what I was doing, which is basically eating intuitively and not depriving myself of anything. I need to accept that it's going to be a SLOWWWW process but this is really the best way to acheive my physical and MENTAL well-being for the long-run. I'm learning to apply better choices into my life and I'm acquring permanent habits, which takes time.

Getting into the "mediums" and PMS

Yesterday I went shopping to search for desperately need good bras. I had little luck with that but I came across this Michael Kors top that was on clearance for $22!!!!

It looked "ok" but it was a Michael Kors (and like 80% off) so I picked up my usual large. I saw that they only had medium and small in the colors I wanted to so I decided to just try the medium and to my pleasant surprise it fit perfectly. Not only that, but the shirt was extremely flattering! It's also really practical because most of the tops that I have are fitted and I'm realizing that it's looser tops that aren't clinging on my waist line like this one actually make me feel thinner!

In other news, it seems like it's absolutely inevitable that I bloat in a balloon-like fashion starting days (maybe even a week) before my period. It's like I just can't effectiviely do anything about it. I know that it's coming so I've been taking water pills, eating veggies, and drinking lots of water. Yesterday for example I ate 2 whole cucumbers and a salad. I wasn't even thinking in terms of the weight loss or eating healthy, my main motivation was to attempt to prevent this horrible blimp-like feeling (and looking).

Nevertheless this morning I woke up bloated and by midday I had developed this perfectly spherical swollen belly. It feels HORRIBLE. I tend do slouch alot to try to mask my huge belly, sitting up straight is simply uncomfortable in this sate. I also have way less motivation to do anything, simple movement is uncomfortable and reminds me of how crappy I feel. The worst thing is I usually stay like this until halfway into my period so a week is typical.

If anyone has been able to effectively lessen the severity of the PMS bloating effect that is something other than eating lots of cucumber and salad, easing up on the carbs, drinking lots of water, and taking water pills please do share with me. I'm desperate here!

Maintained my weight!

So I got weigh-in today although it hasn't yet been a week (5 days) and was happy to see that I maintained my weight. Actually I had dropped half a pound because last time I was actually 162.5 and not really 162, so I'll fix that now. This is great news for me considering that since then I've only gone to the gym one time (I'll be on my way there in a little bit I promise) and I've gone out to eat at least 3 times + went to a wedding and henna party. I tell you people it's all in the portion-control!

Thank you all for the comments and the support I greatly appreciate them, I'm going to try to update more often.

I lost 4 lbs over the holidays! -29 lbs total!

I finally went for my weigh-in which are actually scheduled for wednesday mornings but since I've been out of town I missed the last 2 weeks. I was pleasantly surprised to see that in 2 weeks and 2 days I have actually dropped 4 pounds and I'm now at an all time low of 162 lbs since starting the weight loss!!!

This is great news for me-I mean that's losing 2 pounds a week for 2 weeks in a row which would be really great if I can consistently do that on a normal basis, and I did that all while on vacation!!! This goes to show that portion-control goes a long way because I can't even count how many different deserts I tried and how many times I went out to eat during that time. I also have been making it a priority to workout and I must have gotten about 6 good workouts in.

I must admit I'm actually nervous now about the possibility of a setback which is what usually happens to mewhen I have a good weigh-in (that's why I've been roughly the same weight for about 2 months). I mean the last couple of days I've really stepped it up in preparation for the weigh-in and right after the weigh-in I went and had breakfast with friends. I ate half of a waffle with bananas foster topping (sugar galore) and at least a serving of cheesy potatos. I mean I really needed that release after all the self-discipline so I'm not worried about this one breakfast but my fear is I didn't get it all out of my system and I'm going to be wanting more of these splurges in the coming days.

I'M IN CONTROL I'M IN CONTROL I'M IN CONTROL I'M IN CONTROL I'M IN CONTROL. I have to keep reminding myself that.

I swear after that breakfast I just have this really bad urge to go to the gym and do some extra cardio which I'll be doing in a couple of hours. Tonight I'll be going to a pre-wedding party (henna party in Arab tradition) but I know that they're not serving real food and the desert will be carrot cake which I really don't like. I know I don't lke it, so there's no need to have any just because it's being served and just because everyone else is going to be eating it. I don't like it, that's that! I just hope that I don't get there and forget that I don't like carrot cake, to be on the safe side I'll pack on my own almond crunch kashi bar or handful of almonds.

I'm officially a new size!

In other news, I have not updated my weigh-ins. I've actually been out of town on the last 2 scheduled weigh ins and yesterday when I drove to the clinic to get weighed and whatever else I do there the street was closed due to a fire so I made a U-turn and met a friend for a pizza lunch . I had 2 small slices (very small actually) and a couple of fried calamari rings (like 4 pieces)-I wasn't that hungry since I had celery sticks earlier that day. Anyway, the official weigh-in will have to wait till next wednesday unless I decide to stop by there tomorrow but that'll mess up my weigh-in shedule.

Although it was the holidays and I had my share of deserts and pastas-I'm confident the number has gone down since my last weigh in of 166. I have been conscious of my portion sizes and I've made sure to find a way to workout at least twice a week which was a hard thing to do when you're traveling with family to different destinations.

The other reason why I know it's gone down is because I went shopping on New Year's Eve and found that I can now comfortably fit in a size 10! It was expected actually because while on vacation I couldn't help but notice by size 12 jeans and dress pants were starting to droop from the back and were a little, just a little, baggy on the thighs. Actually I did buy this one pair of size 10 low-rise pants from The Limited that I can't get get to button or zip so maybe I'm not so much of a 10 yet.....

Raw Veggies and Fruits I Ate Today

1 cup of romein lettuce

1/2 of a large cucumber

2 celery stalks

Yea I could have done better than that!

Instead of being conscious of not eating "bad food" I'm finding that lately a more practical approach for me has been to just make sure I squeeze in as much "good food" (specifically raw fruits an veggies) as I can during the day. Of course I realize the importance of being conscious of your overall diet but I'm finding that focusing on eating as much of that bulky, tough, and raw fruits and veggies as I can at the end of the day it was much less mental effort and agony to eat healthy.

Simply put-there's just no room for lay's sour cream & onion potato chips in my mouth or tummy when they're too busy chewing and digesting celery. I'm not sure how long this approach will last but it's been working great the last like......2 days (and counting)!

From me to myself

Somewhere from within me rises a now-familiar presence, offering me all the certainties I have always wished another person would say to me when I was troubled. This is what I find myself writing to myself on the page:

I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it-I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever due to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

Tonight, this strange interior gesture of friendship-the lending of a hand from me to myself when nobody else is around to offer solace-reminds me of something that happened to me once in New York City.....

-Eat Pray Love