July 23, 2007 Stressed Out

Week 2 Day 6
July 23, 2007

I slept early last night and didn’t get to publish my post, so I’m doing it this morning. If I started classifying my days as negative or positive, yesterday would be a negative. I skipped breakfast (always a bad start), but had a good lunch (salad with turkey). I got home kind of late, around 7:30 and was starving so it was hard to resist whatever my mom cooked since I didn’t make anything beforehand. I ended up eating a little too much rice with beef and peas. Later on my mom left part of her Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar on the table so I decided it’s ok to have some with my coffee. I portioned myself half of a serving of the chocolate which is relatively harmless (100 cals, 5 g of fat, and 12 grams of carbs), but I ate swallowed it down fast and wanted more. I’m worried that I felt that way, the absence of the desire to want more has been a lot of why I’m been so successful on this program so far and feeling that way reminded me of my failed diet days. Anyway, I thought what the hell I had a long day and let myself half another half serving of chocolate-and then about half an hour later I served myself more rice and beef although I did have a fiber pill before dinner. Oh, and did I mention it was around 10PM!!!

I went to bed early and this morning I woke up not feeling so great and being bloated. I believe I can pinpoint why I had rather low will power and self-control yesterday, I’m in a great amount of stress right now. I have less than a week to turn in a 30 page research paper (I have a little more than half completed) in order to complete my masters and I just can’t seem to find ample time to put aside to just sit and focus on completing the paper. On most days I can’t wake up early enough to work on it in the morning and by the time I get home from working or doctor shadowing (I do one or the other and sometimes both everyday) I’m just too tired and out of energy.

Another issue that’s causing me stress right now is the job search. This is my first year and only year in a while that I’ll be available to work full time and since I just about have a masters I believe I should get a good job, I mean at least something better than 8.50 which is what all these optometry offices are offering me. There’s not that much opportunity in my field here in baton rouge but the best one is to get a teaching position at the local community college. The first part of their application is sending them my academic transcripts, and right now mine is on hold because of some loan issues, so I spent around 2 hours on the phone yesterday making various phone calls and being placed on hold and in the end I got NOTHING resolved!

Thankfully this morning I woke up early so I’m going to try to make the most of the few hours that I have before I need to go to a job interview. Oh, and my total for 7/23 was about 900 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 86 grams of carbs 75% of which was consumed after 7:30 PM. Hopefully today will be different!

ALSO.....Tomorrow is my second evaluation I'm kind of nervous because I'm not sure if it'll be good. I don't think I lost the four pounds that I aimed to but wish me luck!