The numbers are going up

This is really frustrating. I'm done with my period and dinner last night was an apple. The past couple of weeks I've been working out AT LEAST 4 tims a week and although I do have slipups here and there generally speaking I've been eating well. However I weighed in at 146 this morning after going to the bathroom and even with no clothes on. That's a 3 lb gain from the lst time.

I probably have put on muscle mass but still I should have really lost more fat. I don'eat strength train like crazy, it's something I do twice a week.

So now I'm going back to the drawing board to see where I can cut more corners but I really really don't want to do that. I don't know if I can be any better at the moment. I already eat healthier and exercise more than my roomates and most of my friends and classmates. My incentive to stay that way is that I'll be losing weight and it sux when I'm not seeing those results. Ok there are results but they're very slight. This weekend I put on a pair of size 10 Trina Turk dress pants and they were loose. When I bought them in August they weren't tight, but more fitted. I also bought a vest from Bebe in a size medium....I still couldn't get all the buttons to close but it was still wearable. So I probably lost like 5 pounds of fat in the last 3 months.

Ok I have been having one too many espresso truffles from starbucks, but when I get those it's in place of a meal as to balance out. Also I've been eating more carbs, but still it's in moderation! I've been eating cereal for breakfast every morning but it's the kashi brand with all that fiber in it so I thought it's a good choice. I did have some chocolate cake but literally maybe 5 bites.

I just don't know how much better I can be. I hate to think that I was meant to stay this way.

Today I caught the football!!!

Yes folks, I caught a football today and felt like a normal person playing at the park.



I didn't want to jump in the game and annoy everyone with my football skills which include "can't catch the football to save my life" and "can't throw the football either". Don't get me wrong I am a fit girl, just not an athletic one..........eff this I'm going in!

I was upbeat and perky which made people think it was a good idea to keep throwing the ball to me, and I proved to be great at stopping the football with my body. I would jump towards it with my arms outstretched intending on catching it but it would just slam into my body instead. I'll count how many bruises I incurred when they start showing up in their full form by tomorrow morning. I also could swear I fractured my wrist at one point, but since I can type this I can put that to rest.

People usually give you some kind of heads up when they want to throw to you and my eyes widened when the super tall kid who plays every sport pointed in my direction to get ready. "Wow he's kinda far", I thought. It went up really high and was coming down far from me so I had to run to it with my arms up in the air. I jumped, caught it with both hands, hugged it tightly against my chest, and landed with both feet on the ground all with minimal shrieking.

"I FINALLY CAUGHT THE BALL YAYYYY" I cheered for myself and it seemed like the whole park followed with a round of applause and some hoots!

NFL training camp here I come!!!!!!!

Some inspiration from that Half-Assed book

A big part of my life had been dedicated to weight loss lately. I considered it to be my hobby, but no matter how much I wanted to focus on dropping more weight, life insisted on carrying on around me.

People would always be getting married, dying, and moving-though I hoped they'd stop doing it all in the same month. I had sometimes thought it would be nice to lock myself away on a fat farm where all my food and exercise could be controlled, but I preferred living in the real world....

This is an excerpt from Jenette Fulda's Half-Assed: a weight loss memior.

These are my thoughts EXACTLY! I need to stop making this many excuses about why it's ok to not work out to my 80% potential today, or why it's fine to have a cheeseburger for dinner and 4 Nestle Toll House cookies every other day. It's ok to cut myself some slack sometimes, but I'm overindulging in it. This is is why I've been in the same 5 lb range for the past like 4-5 months now. I haven't reached my goal weight/size and I'm still carrying around too much fat for a girl of my height and bone structure.

I'm finding it challenging to focus on completing multiple missions successfully, but the reality is I'm always going to have exams, or practicals, or clinic. I'm always either going to have to wake up early or come home late or do both...and if I'm not doing these things it's because I'm on vacation so I can't use that as an excuse either.

Part of getting out of the fat mentality is to accept this is how life is and learn to effectively deal with things without having to have a side of cheese fries to soothe me.

Oh and I did see hot guy at the gym...actually I see him a lot nowadays. More on that later.

Will I see hot guy tomorrow at the gym?

These last 30 pounds to lose are a huge pain. I've been at the same weight give or take like 5 pounds for months now. I weighed myself and saw I put on a couple more pounds than the last time, but I'm not recording it because I'm PMSing and bloated as hell.....so I know I didn't actually get fatter.

I'm trying to find new sources of inspiration. I'm finding it hard to focus on multiple things at once. Focusing on passing all my classes and losing weight is just proving too much to do at the moment. After tomorrow I'm going to have 3 consecutive no exam weeks before finals so I'm hoping to be able to lose 10 pounds by the time I see my family for the winter break. 10 pounds in a month and a half is pretty realistic for me, agree?